Having a Cuppa and a Chat: Understanding Birth Debriefs

Bringing a little one into the world is, without a doubt, one of life's most monumental moments. It's a whirlwind of emotions, physical sensations, and experiences that can leave you feeling absolutely buzzing, a bit bewildered, or perhaps a mix of both. While many births go smoothly, some can take unexpected turns, leaving you with lingering questions or a need to chat things through. A birth debrief may help you understand what happened, answer questions and help you to process your birth experience. 

We have asked Kerry, who is our Administrator at the fourth CIC and also a birth and postpartum doula and a birth trauma practitioner to write our guest blog post this month to talk you through birth debriefs, what they are, what to expect.

What exactly is a birth debrief?

In a nutshell, a birth debrief is a friendly, informal chat with a healthcare professional, such as a midwife, a doctor (obstetrician), or a birth support specialist, after you've given birth. It's a chance to sit down and talk through your birth experience, from start to finish. You can discuss what happened and ask any questions you might have. It's all about making sense of what happened, processing your feelings, and understanding any medical decisions that were made along the way.

It's perfectly normal to have mixed emotions after giving birth. You might be over the moon with your new arrival, but also feel a bit wobbly, confused and may want to piece what happened together. For some who have experienced a traumatic birth experience, you may be left with feelings of guilt, loss of control and may not fully be aware or understand what happened during labour and delivery. It may leave us with lots of heavy and negative emotions and make it difficult to move forward. 

Can a birth debrief help?

For some, a birth debrief can give them the answers they were looking for and may be the stepping stone in helping you to process everything and move forward and helping you to heal after your birth. 

It is good to be mindful that it may not answer all your questions, it may leave you with more questions that you may not get the answers to. How you saw and experienced birth may not be how the medical notes explain your birth, it doesn’t mean to say what you remembered was not correct or invalidate what you went through. Sometimes the information recorded might have not been documented or recorded correctly and language used may not be clear or terminology you may not understand.  It may answer some questions, it may not and it may leave you with more questions.

The birth debrief may not be with the midwife or the consultant that cared for you which will depend on your local maternity hospital. It may be a good idea to ask who it will be with before the appointment. 

How do I ask for a birth debrief?

Your primary midwife will be the best person to ask for them to arrange a birth debrief. Sometimes it may be that your local trust has information on their maternity page where you can contact them directly to arrange a birth debrief. How long you will have to wait will depend on your local trust and whether you were under the care of a midwife or consultant for your birth. In some trusts it can take up to 6 months to get a birth debrief. 

Getting ready for your debrief

There are some things you might like to think of or do to prepare for your birth debrief. 

• Have a think about it: Before your debrief, take some time to reflect on your birth experience and how you are feeling. 

• Make a list: Write down any questions you want to ask your midwife or doctor. It's easy to forget things in the moment, so having a list is really helpful. 

• Bring a friend or relative: Having someone you trust to support should you experience any heavy emotions, feelings or anything triggering arise to make sure you are supported as much as possible.  

• Let the emotions flow: It's absolutely fine to feel a whole range of emotions during your debrief. You might cry, feel a bit cross, or even feel empowered. Everything you are feeling is important and valid. 

Where can you have a birth debrief in the UK?

In the UK, most hospitals and birth centres offer birth debriefs (sometimes called birth reflections) as part of their postnatal care.. This means that you may have to go back to the place where you gave birth which may be triggering so please take some time to think about how you would feel. You could ask to do a telephone consultation and have a friend or relative join the consultant or midwife if that is something you would prefer. If you’ve had a particularly challenging or traumatic birth, you might be referred to specialist services like birth trauma support teams. There are also charities and organisations, such as the Birth Trauma Association that offer additional support and resources.

Looking after your wellbeing

If when the time comes for your birth debrief and it all feels a bit too much please make sure to look after yourself as much as possible. Don’t worry if you feel like you can’t ask questions, you could give the consultant or midwife the list of questions and ask them to read and answer them out loud or ask a friend or relative to do this for you. You can even ask to record your meeting so that you can listen to it back in your own time.

Alternatively you can arrange to have a private debrief with a private midwife or a doula, or a birth trauma practitioner who can gently allow you a safe space to talk through your birth. You don’t need to have your medical notes with you unless you want them to read through with you. Sometimes they also offer what is known as additional birth trauma support to help you heal from your birth and this may be something you want to explore. You have the right to request your medical notes at any time. If this is something that you wanted to do you can find out more about requesting your medical notes here.

Please be kind to yourself

Giving birth is a massive life event, and it’s okay if you need some time to process it all. Remember, your feelings matter. Whether you’re feeling chuffed with your birth experience or still processing some difficult bits or trying to heal from a difficult or traumatic birth, there is lots of support out there for you when you feel ready, please know you are not alone, how you feel is important and valid. 

Post Birth Support Resources

https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/what-is-pnd/birth-trauma/

https://maternalmentalhealthalliance.org/membership/current-members/the-birth-trauma-association/

https://birthrights.org.uk/factsheets/accessing-your-records/

Kerry Fountain is an antenatal teacher, birth & postnatal doula and a birth trauma practitioner based in Nottingham, UK. If you would like to find more about any of Kerry's services including Birth Trauma Support Services (available online and in person) all details can be found on her website: www.barefacedbirth.co.uk