Navigating the Postnatal Journey as a Neurodivergent Parent

Victoria White is the founder of Neurodivergent Birth CIC, author of ‘Why Neurodivergent Birth Matters’ (published by Montag and Martin), and host of The Neurodivergent Birth Podcast.

When Your Journey Doesn't Match the Narrative

What troubled me most during those early months wasn't just the challenges themselves, it was how different our experience seemed to be from those around us who were navigating their own postnatal time. I couldn’t relate to the conversations they were having about new parenthood. Their highs and lows seemed very different to ours.

This sense of being on the outside, looking in continued as my daughter grew. At age five she was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, followed by autism, and eventually ADHD. This new understanding about her neurodivergence coincided with my entry into birth work as a breastfeeding peer supporter and later as a doula.

Two passions emerged: supporting families through the perinatal period and deepening my understanding of neurodivergence. Her diagnosis also prompted me to reflect on my own story. I've come to understand that I, too, am neurodivergent, experiencing sensory sensitivities, executive function difficulties, and anxiety rooted in challenges I've faced in education, professionally and in my personal life. This pattern is remarkably common; parents working hard to advocate for their neurodivergent children often recognise their own struggles and support needs.

Four Pillars of Postnatal Support

For neurodivergent individuals entering or navigating parenthood, recognising that your experience may look different and how you can be supported is hugely important. I focus on four fundamental support areas with new parents: sensory processing, communication, executive functioning, and mental health.

The Sensory Storm

The postnatal period is an intense time from sensory perspective. Caring for a newborn means constant exposure to noise, mess, and unpredictability. The constant physical contact with your baby coupled with the bodily sensations as you recover from pregnancy and birth, and perhaps associated with breast and chestfeeding, can be overwhelming. Sleep deprivation acts as an amplifier, intensifying everything.

The sensory experience isn’t just about avoiding sensory triggers – you might be sensory seeking too.  Many people will find proprioceptive movement helps to regulate their nervous system. This type of movement can be challenging to access during postnatal recovery, particularly following surgical or instrumental birth, when our ability to move can feel limited.

Interoception, which is our awareness of internal bodily states like hunger, thirst, tiredness and needing the toilet, often diminishes when attention focuses entirely on looking after our babies. Many neurodivergent parents describe completely losing track of their body’s signals and ability to meet their own basic needs during the postnatal time.

Communication Barriers

Neurodivergent individuals often communicate more directly, struggle with non-verbal interpretation, experience delayed auditory processing, and/or interpret language literally. Postnatal recovery involves interactions with multiple healthcare providers, which can highlight any challenges with communication, particularly when medical jargon is used or information is delivered in a way that doesn’t consider the diversity in the ways people process information. 

Absorbing verbal information about baby care, for example, can be difficult. Comprehending lengthy written materials may be challenging, especially for people with dyslexia or other processing variations.

Executive Function Under Pressure

Executive functioning encompasses a variety of cognitive skills including time management, organisation, problem-solving, working memory, impulse control, emotional regulation, and attention. The postnatal period places a huge amount of strain on all of these.

Tracking appointments, preparing food, managing household responsibilities, and attending to baby-care and self-care and recovery can feel overwhelming. The unpredictability of newborn care can directly conflict with the routines and structure many neurodivergent people depend upon.

Making decisions becomes paralysing when confronted with infinite options regarding feeding methods, sleep approaches, products, and parenting strategies, particularly when operating on minimal sleep and maximum sensory input.

Mental Health Realities

Existing as a neurodivergent person in a predominantly neurotypical world carries significant mental health implications. The transition to parenthood can amplify these vulnerabilities. Self-doubt plagues many neurodivergent parents, particularly those who've repeatedly been told they fall short of social expectations.

It is perhaps unsurprising then that neurodivergent individuals face elevated risks of postnatal anxiety and depression.

Building Support Systems

Neurodivergent people have a legal right to individualised care via human rights legislation, and in addition The Equality Act 2010 mandates that the NHS provide 'reasonable adjustments' ensuring equitable access to maternity services. Examples of reasonable adjustments can be found at ndbirth.com/downloads in the Reasonable Adjustments Toolkit.

Postnatal planning in addition to planning for birth is invaluable. Plans can outline accommodations that address sensory and cognitive support needs, including environmental management (e.g. dim lighting, reduced noise), sensory tools (e.g. weighted items, fidget objects), prepared communication aids for visitors and healthcare providers, and executive function supports like visual care guides, appointment reminders and streamlined routines.

Building a support network of people who genuinely understand your experience is essential. This may include a partner, family, friends, consistent midwifery care where available, and potentially a doula with specific training in neurodivergent support.

Celebrating Neurodivergent Parenting

Alongside the challenges of navigating the postnatal time as a neurodivergent person, come remarkable strengths. Neurodivergent parents often demonstrate amazing parenting skills and abilities including authenticity, outside-the-box thinking, and powerful advocacy. We teach our children to embrace and celebrate diversity, while accepting themselves. Our perinatal experiences deserve recognition, support and celebration.