A Day in the Life as a Postpartum Doula

Wondering what a day in life as a postnatal doula looks like? The lovely Gemma Kitto who trained with us has shared with us what a postnatal doula day looks like for her!

Every postnatal client relationship starts in the same way: either a phone call, an email or a face-to-face chat where they say “I think I need some help.” And from that moment on, giving that help becomes my mission… 

It’s a truth universally acknowledged by postnatal doulas that at every a party, event or baby group we go to, we will meet two types of people: 

• the one who says, “You’re a what now?”  

• the one who says, “Oh, I wish I’d had someone like you when my baby was born”As a full spectrum doula, I support families from the early days of pregnancy right up to their baby’s first birthday if they want me to. Walking alongside them on this journey is a right old mountain trek - no two days are ever the same.

Every stage is different: 

• antenatal prep is exciting

• birth is a glorious roller coaster   

• but postnatal support… that’s where the real magic happens. 

Without doubt, the newborn days are one of the toughest stages of life. As a postnatal doula, I don’t answer their call for help by taking over or by doing it for them; I answer their call for help by creating the space for them to find their feet, and a way forward and their confidence. 

It’s not witchcraft: it’s work. And this is what it looks like...  

The prep… 

This starts days, weeks or potentially months before our session and is unique to every family. When a client books a postnatal doula package with me, I ask them to complete a questionnaire that gives me the information I need to start work smoothly. 

Covering everything from their birth experience, to where I need to park, how they like their tea and what they’d most like help with, this information helps me to approach the first session in a helpful way. Whether that’s packing aromatherapy bits, a recipe book or simply being prepared to listen to a birth story, I know what I am walking into and how to help them best.  

And of course, comfort is key: I make it clear that clients only need to disclose information they’re comfortable with, and that we can do this in person if they’d prefer. 

The arrival… 

Postnatal doulas do not arrive to a fanfare or marching band; babies (and their parents!) may be sleeping and pets will be on the alert given the little new arrival and so a peaceful calm entry is absolutely essential. I am here to help not cause chaos! 

Often once they’ve met me, my clients will leave the door on the latch, or a key in a pot so that I can sneak in and quietly make myself known. The first time, however, people often prefer to meet me at the front door as is the British way and so I make sure that this arrival creates as little disruption as possible: a text to say I’m on my way, or that I’ve arrived and a quiet knock on the door. I avoid doorbells at all costs. 

Then it's a smiley hello followed by simple shoes off, fluffy quiet socks on and a “have you had breakfast/lunch yet?” 

The temperature gauge…

The first twenty minutes of a postnatal doula session is about reading the room. While things will be jumping out at me left right and centre to fix or tackle, I just log them. My focus will always be settling the mood. 

The truth is that we are not used to having people come into our space to serve us and it can feel weird the first time it happens;  if this relationship is going to work, my client needs to know they can hand over to me and relax in my presence  

So, as I gently bustle around their kitchen (often with them by my side) I ask the chit-chat questions that are easy to answer but oh so telling for me: how is baby? how was the night? how does this morning feel?  

The way they answer both with words (said and unsaid), body language and emotion tells me the type of doula they need that day: the quiet ninja, the empathetic ear or the friendly companion that’s going to lighten the load. 

And then, we begin. 

The help…

Once we both have a cup of tea, I ask a simple question: what are the goals for today? 

I always prime my clients for this about 24 hours in advance, along with a list of ‘Things you can absolutely ask me to do’ to give some ideas. Sometimes this means I get a long list, other times it’s just one or two small bits. Whichever one it is, I listen to them until they say, ‘that’s it, I think.’ 

And then we prioritise! 

One of the problems with being a postnatal doula is that there’s a risk that clients see me as a guardian angel: someone who floats in and transforms a challenge into a paradise. But, as much as I’d like to see myself as superhuman, I am not and I always try to ground my clients in reality. My sessions are a minimum of 3 hours in length as this gives lots of time to achieve the goals without anything feeling rushed or pressured, and before I start I’ll say how much of their list I feel is doable in that time. This opens up the discussion for what really matters to them: it might be a bath, or a clean kitchen, or dinner in the slow-cooker for later. And so I have my starting point.    

If a client doesn’t know what they need, then I make universal suggestions for comfort. A clean kitchen and bathroom, dinner made and some clean sheets. I do this for a simple reason: it introduces the value of the help I provide, while keeping me at a distance that might be making them feel uncomfortable or awkward - after all, they’ve paid me to be here and they do want my help, it’s just that they’re probably not used to knowing what to do with it. Opening up a doula relationship in this way, in my experience, eases clients into the help that makes life feel better and they feel more comfortable asking for specific support in later sessions. 

Once my client is comfortable, with snacks and drinks and all the things they need around them, I get to work using the doula vibe I know that they need that day. 

The departure…

Timings are everything for a postnatal doula: I move quietly and calmly, but in my head we are working with military efficiency, making the most of every second so that my clients feel the value of my time.

I aim to finish off my main ‘jobs’ list around 30 minutes before the end of my shift; this allows me to return to my client’s space and re-evaluate where they’re at. Do they look more (or less) relaxed? Do they look like they’d like a shower while I watch their baby? Has a situation arisen that I can help with in some way? 

If none of these apply, I make them a parting meal: something quick, nutrient-rich and easy to eat (like an omelette, a sandwich or a salad) that will keep them sustained and settled. 

As they eat, I tidy up after myself: cleaning equipment, washing baskets, cutlery and cooking paraphernalia gets washed and returned to where it was found so that when my client gets up, all they see is order and calm. 

Before I leave, I tell them what I’ve managed to do (and what I haven’t), and ask if there’s anything else they need before I go. Next session dates, if they haven’t already been agreed, are set in the diary and any logistics are ironed out. 

And then, once my coat is on and fluffy socks are in my bag, I remind them just how much of an incredible job they are doing, before quietly slipping out of the front door again.  

The check-in…

Every one of my clients has a Whatsapp chat with me; I check in with them every day or every few days depending on what they need and are comfortable with, and they can use that space to ask me questions. While they know I have working hours of 8am - 8pm, they also know that they can throw me a message whenever they need to and I will answer as soon as I am able; so many of my clients tell me that simply knowing they have this space gives them confidence and reassurance and that is worth its weight in gold to any new parent. 

Honestly, I became a doula for the birth side of things, but since training and starting work as a postnatal doula I couldn’t imagine separating the two. 

Going from person to pregnant to parent is an enormous transition and while I may not go on the full journey with every client, having a knowledge of all aspects of it means I can prepare my clients and understand how to support them fully at every stage. 

Sometimes I work with clients from the beginning of their journey through to the first birthing, but more commonly I am called for just part of it: for antenatal classes, for birth support, for postnatal support or for a mish-mash of all three. But being a postnatal doula means I view every stage with the eyes of someone who understands the goal: a confident and happy parent & baby. And believe me when I say it makes ALL the difference.  It’s a magical privilege to be able to do, and I wouldn’t swap my job for anything.     

Postpartum Doula Training

There are so many courses and routes into this role, but the Fourth's course stood out to me because it so real and relevant: these are values that are so close to me. The doula world has a bit of a reputation for being a bit alternative, a bit 'hippy' even a bit 'woo-woo' (a client's words, not mine!). And while none of those things are bad, they're not who I am. I always knew I wanted to support postpartum as well as birth, but while I was searching for a course to do, I really struggled to find one that felt right. I am more than happy to admit that I am no Earth Mother: I'm a swearing, opinionated empath with a deep respect weirdly for both the knowledge of traditional cultures, Metal, 90s electronica and Vinted. This weird old mix made it really tricky see myself in any of the courses I found online - they just didn't fit 'me'. Until I found Grace. 

I heard Grace speaking on a podcast with 'The Birth Uprising', the company I did my birth doula training with; the way she spoke about postpartum - and the support that postpartum humans need and deserve - properly lit the fire. Nothing she said (and as I'd soon discover, nothing on her postpartum doula training course) was anything other than rational, science-based and incredibly culturally relevant. To her, good postpartum support isn't about providing some next-level mystical care for the soul: it's about meeting the needs of the most incredible humans, at the most vulnerable time in their lives, to give them what they need to feel not just okay, but the best form of themselves in that moment. This totally resounded with me and signing up was absolute no brainer. 

Her course didn't just give me the base skills to go off and develop my own postpartum doula identity and business; it has seeded a curiosity and respect for the human body at a level I didn't expect. The microbiome, Matrescence (and patrescence), maternal and postnatal nutrition: these are all things that I didn't know anything about at the start but am now absolutely obsessed by. Knowing about them has opened up my practice enormously. I prepare my families for them antenatally, guide postpartum parents through them postnatally and talk about them in my postnatal support groups weekly. Without this knowledge, I wouldn't be able to serve and support my clients anywhere near as well as I do - and that all started with Grace. 

Gemma Kitto is an antenatal teacher, birth & postnatal doula based in Cornwall, UK. Gemma completed her postpartum doula training with us at the Fourth CIC. Gemma works with families from the early days of pregnancy, right up to the baby’s first birthday, and offers in-person and virtual support packages. All details, pricing and booking information can be found on her website: www.borntobirthcornwall.co.uk